Why Do Vampires Turn Into Ash in Twilight: Eclipse? These and Other Burning Questions Asked for the Fans to Answer

Someone needs to slap me. I'm serious. At some point when my friends ask me "Hey do you want to see the new Twilight?" I need to respond with "No thanks," but that's not me evidently. I was treated to an evening of fun until that bomb of a question got dropped. Stupid me. "Yes, I would love to see how bad this is," was my response. Let's get on with it.

Well it's no secret my disdain for the Twilight series. To tell you the truth I was actually excited to see Eclipse. I had heard in the beginning that this was supposed to be the best of the Twilight movies. Who writes those reviews? Seriously, someone needs to slap them. As I write this, I am sitting in utter frustration and bewilderment at how people actually sit through these movies. Edward, Bella, and friends are the most vapid, annoying, depressing, empty, one dimensional characters I have ever seen written and acted.

**Spoilers... Screw it this movie doesn't deserve a warning*

Eclipse is garbage. The paper thin story that makes absolutely no sense is still there and the monotone acting is in full force as well. Please, stop making these movies.

Essentially, the story goes something like this. A guy gets bit by the red head vampire, so he becomes a vampire and he is then being used to get other newborn vampires to attack Bella. Yes. That is the plot. All the while, Bella and Edward argue about getting married and turning her into a vampire herself. This is probably the 100th time she says this and he gives the same answer. Honey, the answer won't change. Seriously, I am about two minutes away from writing a paper on how Twilight is the most anti feminine book ever. If the feminist people won't say it, then by God I'll say it for them because it's ridiculous.

Bella has the damsel-in-distress-but-can't-decide-who-to-fall-in-love-with syndrome. She's not a strong character and all of the men are whiny and aloof. The men are almost as girly as she is. Does Forks, Washington just breed men with vaginas?

Anyway, in the end, the red head is beaten, and everything is just fine... again. Seriously, where is the suspense? Where's the action? We built up for one and a half hours for five minutes of action. It's pitiful. I know this isn't much of a review, but really, the past two movies were the exact same thing as this one. I'm not going to beat a dead horse. This movie was terrible. It wasn't entertaining, and it hurt my head. There, that is all I have to say.

So, with that said, I want to do something completely different. I'm going to post a list of questions for the Twilight fans to answer that make no sense in the movie and are serious problems. Post your answers in the comments below.

Top 30 Questions That Make No Sense in Twilight: Eclipse

1. Why is it that none of the vampires sparkle ever again after it was mentioned in the first movie?

2. Why would Charlie ground her from seeing Edward?

3. Why does Bella's mother not think it's creepy that Edward is just sitting inside and leering at them, while they are sunbathing?

4. Why does Bella bother sunbathing if she is pastier than Edward?

5. Why the heck would you go to college in Alaska... willingly? (No offense to Alaskan's but it's too cold up there for me and considering Bella is a whiny little turd, I don't see why she'd go.)

6. Why do the vampires just stand in the woods for no reason at random intervals?

7. Why does Victoria always run through the woods of Forks? Wouldn't it be more beneficial to just... go around and not be seen by Alice?

8. Why do they even fear Victoria? What has she done in the past that is so frightening?

9. What is imprinting and why is it just now being brought up three movies into the story?

10. Why are they protecting Bella?

11. Why is Bella the most important character here other than Stephanie Meyer saying so?

12. What does Bella see in Edward?

13. What does Edward see in Bella?

14. What do they both have in common?

15. How come Jacob never wears a shirt? Even when he picks up Bella in his car?

16. Why do vampires turn to ash and stone when they die?

17. Why are the Vulturi a scary force? What is the reasoning behind them even being there if they never enforce the vampire rules and what are the rules?

18. Why don't they just turn Bella into a vampire? It would solve all of their problems.

19. How can Jacob be extremely strong in human form? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of wolf form? (I'm referencing the scene where Bella punches him in the face and almost breaks her hand.)

20. Why do vampires fight like wrestlers? If they aren't killed by stakes through the heart like traditional means, then why not use guns or swords?

21. How can Jasper be considered a newborn if he was turned into a vamp over 130 years ago? If he recently had been turned into a "vegetarian" vamp, then how is 130 years new?

22. Why does Jacob carry Bella through the woods if he is in human form?

23. Before the battle, they take Bella to the top of a mountain to hide her scent from the wild vampires, why did they take her to the top of a mountain?

24. How does human DNA make the newborns stronger? That seems impossible through logical means.

25. If Bella is freezing cold on top of the mountain, then why isn't Jacob freezing?

26. How is Bella not freezing the next day when she is outside in less clothing?

27. Why did Edward set Victoria on fire at the end of the movie with a lighter, and not build a fire to keep Bella from freezing the night before?

28. If they killed the main villain of the movie, then why make a fourth?

29. If Jasper was in the military, then why did he make them all fight in an open field? If Meyer knew anything about the civil war she'd know this is poor writing.

and....

30. If you read through these questions and found that you couldn't answer just one of them, then why even read this series to begin with?